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[30]Types of Self-Defeating Communication

2008-01-10T09:13:00.000+07:00

If there was a law against people verbally abusing themselves, it would be a safe bet that most Americans would now be in jail. The things we say to ourselves both silently and out loud are amazing! And we say these things to ourselves almost constantly. For example, how many times have you found yourself making derogatory remarks about how you reacted to a situation you have just experienced? We tend to judge and invalidate our actions when they are out of sync with our beliefs about what is right and wrong or good and bad.

If you are like the average person in our society, I suspect that you make such self-deprecating statements all too frequently. Likewise, I strongly suspect that the frequency with which you verbally abuse yourself about goals detracts significantly from your results.

I have good reason for both suspicions. First, it is common knowledge that people talk to themselves when involved with certain tasks. Salespeople talk to themselves before meeting a client, lawyers talk to themselves about judges and jurors and musicians talk to themselves about the requirements of a piece they will play. Butcher, baker, or candlestick maker — it makes no difference. All people talk to themselves.

There are two types of self-defeating statements that people are prone to make. First, there are negative self-statements; that is, statements that deprecate your own self-worth and abilities. Second, there are self-pressure statements; that is, statements that bring greater pressure on you than the situation demands.

When you make either self-pressuring statements or negative self-statements, several things can happen, most of which are bad. Negative self-statements frequently become what we call self-fulfilling prophecies. This simply means that because we expect negative reactions from ourselves, based on the negative things we’ve said about ourselves, we are likely to behave accordingly. This is because we begin to think obsessively about how bad we are rather than think about what we need to do in order to properly execute.

Fortunately, simply by being aware of these types of self-defeating statements, you can work to develop a positive approach to your self-talk, and overcome this negative cycle.
Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com-By: Patrick K. Porter, Ph.D.

[29]Communication In Romance

2008-01-10T09:12:00.002+07:00

Romance. Can it be discussed? It has to be experienced, isn't it? But, let us talk of romance, because we cannot avoid discussion about it. Let those in love, decide how correct is the below discussion on communication in romance. Romancing is not a science, but an art. When you talk to your beloved, you talk not only with your words, but with your eyes and your body
language.

Everything takes part in communication with your sweetheart. How does one talk to one's beloved? Most of the lovers swoon at the sight of their beloved. How do we expect them to talk? But their sweetheart wants to talk and they want to talk. They both want to share everything in each other's life. They share their dreams, they share their agonies and pains and they share their goals and failures. They share everything, because they are two bodies, but one heart.

Romance has its own flavor, a different flavor. Romance is a different emotion compared to all other emotions. It's much different compared to emotions such as anger etc. They are all negative, but romance is a positive emotion or feeling. In romance, one ignores every fault of his/her sweetheart and only finds everything good and glorifies it. In love, the afternoon sun is as beautiful as the sunset. Such is the wonder of romance that it changes a person totally.

Coming back to communication, how does one do it in romance? Does one convey love every single day? Does one talk only of love and nothing else. Otherwise it may kill the romantic mood! Does one only dream of good things and avoid every talk of anything negative? What and how does one communicate while romancing? Yes, it is true that most of the romantic lovers talk only of positive things and avoid everything negative. It is also true that talk is mostly about love, because they are romancing. Isn't it? It is true that the couples dream of great things and avoid contemplating any negatives. Send some wallpapers to your sweetheart and convey your love for Valentine. Download them on your computer and go in the mood of love.

Romance is different. In romancing there is no place for anything that may kill the mood. Romance means talking of moon, and not the sun. But you can talk of sunsets. Romance does not think about the fate of fallen flowers, but only admires the beauty of flowers smiling on the branch. Romance is different and it is great. The world already has innumerable problems,
and romance is much needed to create a positive atmosphere. Romance is a dream.
To know more about romance, why not go in the mood yourself and experience it?
Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com-By: cdmohatta

[28]5 Important Details Developing Rapport

2008-01-10T09:12:00.001+07:00

Let us take a peak at the basics of developing rapport with others.

In a nutshell, what it takes is to ask questions, have a positive, open attitude, encourage an open exchange of communications (both verbal and unspoken), listen to verbal and unspoken communications and share positive feedback.

Here are important details on each step:

1. Ask Questions

Building report is similar to interviewing someone for a job opening or it can be like a reporter seeking information for an article.

Relax and get to know the other person with a goal of finding common ground or things of interest. You can begin by simply commenting on the other persons choice of attire, if in person, or about their computer, if online, and following up with related questions.

For example, in person, you could compliment the other person on their color choice and or maybe a pin, ring or other piece of jewelry and ask where it came from.

In online communications, you could compliment the other persons font, smile faces or whatever they use, mention that the communication style seems relaxed and ask if he or she writes a lot.

Then basically follow up, steering clear of topics that could entice or cause arguing, while gradually leading the person to common ground youd like to discuss.

2. Attitude

Have a positive attitude and leave social labels at home (or in a drawer, if youre at home). Many people can tell instantly if you have a negative attitude or if you feel superior. So treat other people as you would like to be treated. And give each person a chance.

3. Open Exchange

Do encourage others to share with you. Some people are shy, scared or inexperienced in communicating and welcome an opportunity to share. So both with body language and verbal communication invite an exchange. Face the other person with your arms open, eyes looking into theirs gently (not glaring or staring), and encourage a conversation with a warm smile.

4. Listen

Be an active listener. Dont focus your thoughts on what YOU will say next. Listen to what the other person is saying and take your clues from there, while also noting the body language.

For example, if the other person folds his arms and sounds upset, you may need to change the subject or let him have some space and distance; maybe even try approaching him later on and excusing yourself to go make a phone call (of head to the buffet table or somewhere to escape).

On the other hand, if the other person is leaning towards you, following your every word and communicating with your as if you were old friends, BINGO. Youve built rapport!

5. Share People like compliments

So hand them out freely without over doing it. Leaving a nice part of yourself like a compliment is a good memory for the other person to recall - numerous times. Thats good rapport. But do be sincere! False compliments arent easily disguised.
Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com-By: Sheila Easton

[27]Feedback: Listening to What You Don't Want to Hear

2008-01-10T09:10:00.000+07:00

1. First, accept the fact that you are not perfect and that nobody else is perfect, either. This seems self-evident, but a surprising

number of people expect themselves to get everything right the first time, often without instruction.

2. Drop your defensiveness. Feedback feels like criticism to many people.

When you are tempted to explain why you behaved as you did, and why you could not possibly have done anything differently, stop yourself. Take a deep breath and listen carefully. Think about what is being said to you; try not to think about how you need to respond. Being able to do this takes courage and practice.

3. Make sure you understand what you are being told. Ask questions about specifics. Ask for details and examples, and listen to them.

4. Restate in your own words your understanding of the issues that are being discussed, and clarify the issues before you respond to them. Clarify whether the person offering the feedback is requesting that you take some action in response to the feedback.

Showing that you are listening and understanding is often enough.

5. Decide whether a response is really necessary. If it is, take time to think about how to respond, even if it means asking to discuss the situation at a later time.

6. Recognize that even criticism usually contains useful information.

7. Treat criticism as feedback offered in an unskilled manner, and respond to it as if it is offered as a gift. This takes practice - do the best you can.

8. Always thank the person offering you feedback.

9. If you suspect that someone has information about you or your behavior and is not offering to share it with you, ask for that person's feedback. Be certain to accept the comments non-defensively and with appreciation, even if you are unhappy with what is
being said. The more often you do this, the more you will learn about yourself.

10. Once more, say thank you and mean it!

Excerpted from lesson 11, "The Integrity Course."
Copyright 2006 Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com-By: Laurie Weiss

[26]Communication And Friendship

2008-01-10T09:09:00.000+07:00

"One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible."-Henry Brooks Adams. True friends are rare. It has been said that friendship doubles our joys and halves our sorrows.

Some may feel that friends are not necessary, sadly, to their regret, they learn all too late in life, we all need true friends. In fact, the quality of your life depends much on the quality (not the quantity) of your friendships. Healthy friendships are essential to our mental and physical well-being. Dr. David Weeks, a neurophysiologist said "I have a high proportion of patients with anxieties, phobias, and depression who could be described as lonely. There are connections between the severity of depression and the severity of loneliness." A market survey revealed that "in the United Sates 25 percent of the adult population suffer 'chronic loneliness' and . . . in France half the people have experienced acute isolation." The explosions of computer chat rooms, the proliferation of dating clubs, and profusion of newspaper advertisements by those seeking companionship, are indicators that we all need human contact. And what better contact can we have than a true friend?

The answers to the following questions should help us in our search for good friends. What is a friend? How can I find a true friend? How can I keep my friends? And how can I be a true friend?

What is a friend? One dictionary defines a friend as " one attached to another by affection or esteem." Another simply states, "a person one likes." To me the best description of a true friend is found in one of the oldest books ever written. These words of wise King Solomon at Proverbs 17:17 state, "A true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress." Our health may fail us, our material possessions may lose their value, but true friendship grows stronger and flourishes with time. True intimate friends are among the most precious gifts you will ever have, and if allowed to grow, can produce a positive influence on you for life.

Friendship is a gift everyone is able to give and to receive. American essayist Ralph Waldo Emmerson once said: “the only way to have a friend is to be one.“ Genuine friendships develop over time. All to often people want the benefits of a good friendship but they are too busy to invest the necessary time. Remember a friend is more than just an acquaintance. We have many acquaintances –neighbors, colleagues, and people we meet now and again. True friendship goes far beyond a casual meeting with others. Friendship is special; it requires an investment of time, energy, and emotional commitment. Friendship brings privileges, but it also involves responsibilities.

Good communication is a necessity with those we value as friends. When you converse with others, you show personal interest in their feelings, and you encourage them to express their thoughts and emotions. If the conversation always centers on you, you might end up talking to yourself. Good communication requires being a good listener as well as the ability to express yourself. To have real friends, we must open up to others-let them know who we really are. At the same time we must allow them the same opportunity. Just be yourself. Only by being genuine can we enjoy a genuine friendship.

To keep good friends do not overlook the importance of loyalty and confidentiality. The quickest way to lose a good friend is to reveal a secret or something said in confidence. Once we have a good friend, never take him, or her for granted. You can have good friends, if you are willing to spend the time.
Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com-By: Don McKay

[25]How to Improve Communication Skills and Your Personal Style

2008-01-10T09:08:00.000+07:00

Here are six tips for improving your communication style:

1. Knowing how to improve communication skills will come easier once you become aware of your own communication style.

Each person has a unique way of communicating. Listen to your own speech. What sorts of words do you use? Which sort of body language and what tone of voice are you using?

Now, think of someone who, in your opinion, is a good communicator. Compare your style to theirs. You’ve just taken an important first step in how to improve communication skills.

2. Now that you are aware of your own style, study the style of those around you. How do the most important people in your life converse? How do they say things? Look for approaches you can model and make your own.

3. Adjust to the other styles of communication. Don’t think it is too late to change your way of conversing because it’s been years. You had to learn to communicate in the first place and you can unlearn certain behaviors or change them. Sometimes we get stuck in a communication rut.

A father once was having a hard time with his teenaged daughter. She was growing and he thought she didn’t tell him what was going on in her life. They were in a heated discussion when he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Her answer was that she had, but he was too busy lecturing her to hear her. He learned that adjusting his style to his daughter would involve listening first before jumping right into solving the problem.

4. To build rapport, during a conversation try and match the other person’s movements, posture and verbal style. Don’t do everything they do, but mirror one or two things. For example, if the person gives mostly short answers to questions, you follow suit.

Or, maybe they talk at a slower pace than you usually do-slow your speaking speed to match theirs. This may sound simplistic but it is a very potent way to make someone feel very relaxed and comfortable in your presence.

5. The way you communicate at home may not be the same as in a different environment. Make sure you change your style to suit the different setting. Some comments you might want to tell your best friend, in private.

Other things can be shared in a group setting. Learn how to improve communication skills by altering your style for the appropriate setting. Many of us know someone who offers far too much information in a group setting.

6. Don’t criticize others for communicating differently. If we all communicated in the same way, we’d soon be bored with each other.

Getting a good grasp of your communication style and finding ways to accommodate other peoples’ styles, is a good way to improve your communication skills.
Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com-By: Peter Murphy

[24]Communication In The Family

2008-01-10T09:07:00.000+07:00

The earliest lock in existence is an Egyptian lock made of wood, found with its key in the ruins of Nineveh, in accent Assyria. In construction it is the prototype of the modern cylinder lock. There is mention of locks of simple design used by the Greeks and Romans. With the exception of the development of ward locks, however, little was done to improve the efficiency and convenience of locks until the late 18th century.

In 1778, Robert Barron patented a double- acting, Lever-Tumbler Lock that remains the basis of the modern key lock. His design called for the use of a single key capable of raising the locks, two tumblers together. Like that key, communication keeps a family working together. So what is communication? According to one dictionary, communication means, " to transmit information, thought, or feeling so that it is satisfactorily received or understood." Another dictionary defines it as" A technique for expressing ideas effectively."

Meaningful relationships require good communication, getting to understand one another, our needs and joys, telling one another how much we appreciate all the kind things that have been done for us. In other words, significant conversation shows that we are not taking others for granted.

Never would you want to allow a communication gap to develop between you and your spouse. Talk together freely. Your being open and honest can help cement your marriage bond. Open communication means that the parent will try hard to be available when your child needs to talk if you are a parent, make sure that communication is open at least from your side. This is especially true for teenagers. Teen years are turbulent. Adolescents experience emotional ups and downs. Teenage boys and girls may want to be more independent, and they may resent limits placed on them by their parents. Remember though that such youths are still quite inexperienced and in need of loving, patients help from their parents

When your teenager feels it is a good time to talk, it may be your time to keep quiet and listen. We may be involved in other matters at the time, still if your youngster wants to talk to you, try to adjust your plans and listen. (OTHERWISE, HE OR SHE MAY NOT TRY AGAIN). Teenagers need the reassurance that their parents are there for them if needed.

Remember that good communication like Barrons Lock can unlock many happy and joy filled years as a happy family.
Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com-By: Don McKay

[23]Communication In The Family-Part 2

2008-01-10T09:06:00.000+07:00

Today communication is a multimillion-dollar business. The advances men have made in the technical field of communication is indeed staggering, to say the least. For example, fiber-optic cables, that can carry tens of thousands of phone conversations at one time. Then there are communication satellites, which relay thousands of pieces of information in seconds.

But in spite of all these means of communication, there is no limit to the misery in the world because of a lack of communication between individuals. Is there any surprise then that we are faced with what has been called a ever growing" generation gap?” A lack of communication between parents and their offspring, and sadly between parents themselves. Marriage counselors report that the biggest problem in marriages is a failure of communication between husband and wife. To keep the lines of communication open, it is the obligation of each to listen to what the other is saying, and to notice what has been left unsaid. This can only be done if we give our full attention to the one speaking. Sometimes we are so occupied with formulating what our response will be, that we fail to recognize the emotional content, and the way something is said. As husbands we need to recognize this is a common shortcoming we share. Wives often suffer because husbands fail to listen. However wives for their part also need to listen closely, so as not to jump to wrong conclusions.

As we grow older this places an added burden on our open communication. We face many changes with age. Physical weakness drains our energy and vigor. Every time we pass a mirror we are reminded we are getting older. Sadly our memory is not as sharp as it was. If we are not careful we can easily become depressed. All or any of the above can affect our communication with our loved ones. Realizing this should encourage each one to work that much harder at keeping the lines of communication open, honest and reasonable. The more we fail to communicate the larger our problems seem to get. In five minutes of communicating you can solve more problems then five minutes of avoiding one another. Take the time, and in many cases make the time and master the art of communication.

Remember, good communication is an art. Why not become a good artist?
Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com-By: Don McKay

[22]How to Communicate in his Love Language

2008-01-10T09:05:00.001+07:00

Are you wondering how to communicate with that new man in your life? Or maybe you are just wondering about the next man in your life? New or old, it’s never too late to learn how to communicate in the language of love.

Maybe you’ve seen the tomboyish girl that somehow has men flocking around her. If you stopped turning green with envy for a moment, you’d notice why she was a man magnet. She just sort of fit herself into him, like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle that he didn’t even know was missing.

Instead of rolling your eyes at that dazed and happy-in-love look he has on his face, why not look into how she did it? Learn these tips on how to communicate in a whole new way by getting to know his love language and speaking it fluently!

We all know that love is built on the solid foundation of communication. When we are in love we are on the same page as our lover. It’s a special level of communication that people in love have.

Some call it chemistry, but really, in order to even get to the chemistry stage you need to know his love language. For a clue as to what that might be, we need to understand how he relates to the world around him.

Everyone perceives their world with three senses - sight, sound and feelings. Psychologists have discovered that even though we use all three senses, one of these senses is always more pronounced. It doesn’t mean that it replaces the others, but if you pay attention, the more dominant one will reveal itself to you.

Asking questions is the easiest and fastest way to learn his language and since asking questions is the most common way to get to know someone or start a conversation, he’ll never suspect.

He’s just returned from a business trip. You ask about his trip. Pay attention to his answer:

1. If he’s visual he might say: the weather was terrible. I didn’t get to see the sun once!

2. An auditory guy will talk about sounds: we got the account, which was good. But the hotel I stayed at was too noisy.

3. He is a feeler if he answers something like: I have to admit; I’m not much into traveling alone. I get lonely when I visit new places.

Knowing a man’s love language is the key in how to communicate with him in a way that will make him feel that you are the missing piece to his puzzle. You’ll just fit. Of course, one question isn’t going to tell you. You’ll have to watch for a pattern to emerge.

Once you do find the prominent sense, you’ll want to speak his language. Talking with your visual man will be all about what you saw on the way over, while the auditory fellow will want to know about the new CD you just bought.

It doesn’t matter what your love language is. As long as you know how to communicate to him in his Love Language you’ll soon be the envy of all the other girls. That is, unless you tell them your secret.
Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com-By: Peter Murphy

Artist : Nu Virgos

1. Stop! Stop! Stop!

[21]Improve Communication Skills with the Opposite Sex

2008-01-10T09:04:00.001+07:00

You can improve communication skills with the man or woman in your life, once you understand the differences in how the genders communicate.

1. Men and women talk in different places.

If you want to improve your communication skills you’ll want to understand the differences in style. Men will do most of their talking in public. Often, that means at their workplace.

Since women talk to promote intimacy, most female conversations will take place in a private setting, at home. This explains that old problem of the man coming home from work and the woman trying to engage him in conversation and not getting a really eager participant.

Whether they both work out of the home, or not, one has already done a lot of talking already today.

2. The genders talk about different things.

Listen in on any males talking and you’ll see that sports, money and business dominate the conversations. In the next room a group of women discuss some of the people in their lives, feelings and relationships.

3. What are the reasons men and women talk?

Women usually talk to express themselves, to connect with the other person and to support others. Men talk to fix problems or compete with other men.

4. The genders speech patterns differ.

Men don’t tend to add decorations to their speech the way women do. Women use intensifiers like ‘very’, ‘really’ and ‘much.’ Often a woman will add, ‘isn’t it?’ or ‘doesn’t it?’ which men perceive as sounding unsure or tentative.

5. They choose different words.

It’s not often you’ll hear a man say a baby is adorable. Men use words to say what they have to say and then move on. Women want to share the experience of conversation and will use emotions and senses in their conversations. Men find that frustrating.

To improve communications skills both genders should understand that the particular words a man uses would not likely be used by a female and vice versa.

6. Giving Feedback and asking questions.

It’s a common joke that men never ask for directions when driving. They are just not question askers, generally. If they do, it’s only to gather information.

For a woman, asking a question serves two purposes. One, they want to gather information and two; they want to develop closeness in the relationship. They will sometimes ask questions they already know the answer to, which often puzzles men.

Furthermore, when giving feedback, men can be blunt and direct. Asking them what they think about a certain situation can lead to an answer like: “That’s crap!” When it is in answer to a woman’s question about an idea, the bluntness of his answer might hurt her feelings.

Men answer to the question, not the person. Women have to learn to not take it as a personal attack. Women tend to answer requests for feedback with a little more sensitivity and tact for that reason- they don’t want the other person to be offended.

We can improve communication skills once we understand the different styles that the genders use to converse. The differences in how men and women talk continues to create both smiles and frustrations!
Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com-By: Peter Murphy

Artist : Oasis

1. Wonderwall

2. Stand By Me

3. Whatever

4. Don't Go Away

5. Champagne Supernova

6. Songbird

7. Stop Crying Your Heart Out

8. I hope I think I know

[4/20]Social Conversations - How Women and Men Differ

2008-01-03T13:34:00.002+07:00

It’s hard to deny that in social conversations, men and women have different styles. Here are some of the basic differences, albeit generalizations, in how the sexes use the gift of gab:

1. What’s Polite?

Her style: at a party or social event, most women will wait for an opportunity to join in a conversation. Women are taught that interrupting a conversation is rude.

His style: interruption is an art to him. He does it well. He’ll voice his opinion on the price of gas and makes sure that person over there in the back can hear him.

2. How Many Words?

Her style: whether conversing a social conversations or just chatting with a close friend, women use more words to say whatever it is they want to say. From a young age, women are taught to use more expressive words. Women tend to use language to enhance connections.

His style: exactly how few words can he get away with using? Men are seen as being uncaring because of their aversion to emotional-type talks. In social conversations they use language to promote social dominance.

3. Any Requests?

Her style: women don’t usually demand things. They request them. “Would you please open the car door?” If they do say something in a more demanding way, it will often be followed with, ”if you don’t mind.”

His style: “open the car door.” Men don’t tend to beat around the bush - they prefer the direct approach. They are more likely to command or demand.

4. I can’t say that!

Her style: women don’t just talk. They want to share the experience of what it is they are talking about. Senses and emotions are brought into the conversation.

This added expressiveness could sometimes be frustrating for men because they wonder when she’ll make her point.

His style: you won’t catch him saying that your friends’ new baby is adorable. Ever.

5. What’s the problem?

Her style: you might not see this side of her in social conversations, but when a women has something troubling her, she needs to talk about it. It’s not that she hasn’t thought about it, it’s just nice to have someone lend an ear to the situation, sometimes.

His style: he’s thought about the problem. Now he’s going to attempt to solve it. He likes to fix things. They respond by dealing with the problem discussed.

Men are not aware that women usually only need a soundboard. They certainly aren’t aware of any empathy that might be needed - they think you expect a solution and offer one!

Next time you are in a situation where you can listen to and observe men and women in social conversations, see if you can spot these style differences.

By: Peter Murphy

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : Outkast

1. The Way You Move

2. Roses

3. Hey Ya!

4. Ms. Jackson

5. Bombs Over Baghdad

[4/19]How to Talk to People of the Opposite Sex

2007-12-31T10:00:00.001+07:00

If you feel like you don’t know how to talk to people of the opposite sex, you might be onto something!

Men and women definitely have different ways of communicating. Learning how the other half uses language will help to improve your communication with the opposite sex.

And if you’re still not convinced, there is even a term that is specific to the different languages of the sexes. The term is genderlect. Suzette Haden Elgin coined the term in her book, Genderspeak. Her book talked about different methods men and women could use to better communicate.

Deborah Tannen went into even more detail about gender communication in her book, entitled You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation (1990, Ballantine.) Tannen says that even when a man and woman are raised in the same neighbourhood or even in the same home they will grow up in different language worlds.

The question of how to talk to people of the opposite sex really needs to first be answered by understanding the ways men and women differ in how they express themselves.

Here are some of the biggest differences, starting at a very young age:

1. Girls talk or use language as a way to be liked. Little boys often talk to be boastful.

2. A little girl will request something. A boy? He makes demands.

3. Girls tend to use language as a way to create harmony - to get closer to someone. If you guessed that young boys keep conflicts going by talking, you are right!

4. Girls talk using words and will use more words to explain something. A young boy is more likely to use actions to emphasize what he is trying to say.

As we grow and learn how to talk to people, being aware of these differences can help (especially when the people you are talking to are of the opposite sex.)

Many of those early traits continue, as we grow older. Men will continue to use communication as a means of staying independent, while women will continue to use language as a tool for intimacy.

Grown-up men often will talk to establish status (remember the boasting as little boys?) Women will connect themselves to others by using language to build up rapport.

Tannen calls these differences ‘report-talk’ (men) and ‘rapport-talk’, for the women. Understanding this one specific difference can really show how women quite often take what men say, personally, when they really were only ‘reporting’ on a situation.

Learning how to talk to people is made a lot simpler when you understand genderlect - the language of the sexes।

By: Peter Murphy

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : O-Zone

1. Dragostea Din Tei

2. Despre Tine

[4/18]Make Conversation in 5 Easy Ways

2007-12-31T09:59:00.002+07:00

Just as most of us weren’t born with a silver spoon in our mouth, we weren’t born knowing how to make conversation. Making conversation is more of an art. Like any art, practice leads to mastery.

1. You can never go wrong with being a good listener.

This doesn’t mean you should just sit there like a lump on a log, like my mother used to say. You need to be an active listener. People love to talk about themselves, so listening to them is a good way to let them have a captive audience.

For this you should practice:

A. Smiling - look natural. If you have a silly grin plastered on your face, people will think you are strange.

B. Nodding - the odd nod to show that you understand. This is not to be confused with nodding off.

C. Eye contact - this can be tricky. You don’t want to stare at someone, that’s just plain spooky. Looking away from time to time is fine.

D. Making occasional comments like: “Really?” “ I know exactly what you mean!” “You don’t say!”(Does anyone really say that anymore?)

2. The day before you go to your get-together, prepare yourself:

A. Read up - if you know someone who is going to be there is a zoologist and you think it might mean that he works at the zoo, read about the job and discover interesting facts you might be able to make conversation out of.

B. Internet Search - you’ve found out one of the other guests is from a different city, state or country. Google some interesting tidbits about that part of the world so you can ask about it. The more interested you are in others, the more interesting you’ll seem to them.

3. Follow the flow of the conversation:

Don’t butt in - you’ve probably met or known a butt-in-er. You also know how annoying it can be, so unless the building is on fire, hold your tongue.

If someone’s made the mistake of starting a controversial topic, it’s better not to say much, even if you don’t agree with what’s being said. If you are wondering what controversial topics might be in this day and age, you’ve got a point.

Unless you are a pro, though, it’s not a good idea to make conversation by opening with politics, sex or religion.

4. Write out a list of conversation starters and practice them the day before:

Safe benign topics are best - ” We’ve sure had a lot of rain, haven’t we?” “Do you have any special plans for Labor Day this year?”

5. Find things to do with your hands if you are nervous:

Hold a beverage and sip it, from time to time.

If your palms are sweaty, wipe them occasionally on a napkin. (If your outfit has pockets, toss in some tissue before you leave the house. If you forgot the tissue, use the pocket!)

Pay attention to the conversations around you। You’ll notice that the way most people around you make conversation is really predictable and not all that complicated. The more practice you get the easier it will be to make conversation like a pro!

By: Peter Murphy

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : Paris Hilton

1. Stars Are Blind

2. I Want You

3. Turn It Up

4. Fighting Over Me

5. Jealousy

[4/17]Reading Body Language For Your Success

2007-12-28T10:25:00.001+07:00

In any face to face communication, the conveyor talks or writes while the recipient listens to or read the message. However, what they didn’t know is that actual verbal communication accounts to only around 10% (or even less) of the overall means of conveying a message.

However, there is another form of communication based on gestures or body movements which determine their true inner feelings and thoughts.This art of non-verbal communication is better known as body language.

Reading Body Language

Although spoken communication is a direct way to convey a message, it can be masked. By reading body language of the conveyor, you will understand the message in a truer sense or form. However, this depends on the interpretation of the recipient of the message.

With this in mind, it is important to familiarize yourself with this art of non-verbal communication. This art is the ability and skill of reading body language and to interpret the message correctly. Wrong interpretation may have drastic, dramatic implications.

Given the chance to come face to face to communicate with each other, you may be able to realize and verify the truthfulness of the message being conveyed.

Let’s pick a simple scenario to illustrate non-verbal communication. Let us say a former officemate of yours called you to propose a business partnership. This officemate is just one of your casual acquaintances. He’s not exactly a confidant whom you would treat as a close buddy. He asked that the two of you meet somewhere and you obliged.

So you wind up meeting him in a coffee shop. After the usual handshake (this is one type of body language), both of you took a seat and ordered coffee. After a few exchanges of pleasantries and recalling past incidences while you were still officemates, you touched on the subject of his business proposal. While in the process of presenting the proposed business, you occasionally interrupted him with questions that he readily answered. Subconsciously, while you continued to listen to his proposal, you kept touching your nose with your index finger, rubbing it once in a while as if covering the nose with your hand.

After the proposal has been made, he asked for your comment if his proposal merits your acceptance. He’s not asking for an immediate answer or decision if you’re interested or not, giving you enough time to study it. However, your first impression of the proposal was somewhat inclined on rejecting it. Your main reason was that you are not familiar with the line of business he’s proposing, and to go into unfamiliar business simply does not interest you.

But in spite of your negative perception of the proposal, you didn’t want to disappoint your former officemate, at least not at that moment. Before you gave the final word that you would seriously study the proposal, you made some initial comments about it to the tune that it may seem to merit your approval although it really didn’t. While you were making your comment, subconsciously and again, you touched your nose with one hand while talking.

It’s observed that during the entirety of your discussion, you frequently made one move, touching your nose. Are you aware that touching your nose is a gesture that means you’re not saying what you really felt or meant? Studies suggest that saying something while touching the nose is not reflective of what’s being said. In this case, rubbing the nose is tantamount to disapproval of the proposal presented to you.

Although there is no definite basis that this gesture is a sign of disapproval or disagreement or rejection, it has a high rate of probability. Only you know your real intention.

You may see this same gesture from other people if you were in the shoes of your officemate. But keep in mind that there may be other reasons. An itchy nose, a sinus that keeps bothering the listener, mannerism, halitosis on either the part of the conversationalist or the listener or both - anyone of these could be the real reason.

Keep in mind that interpretation of body language has a high probability rate but it may not necessarily be definite.

By: Ronald Yip

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : Patience

1. Take That

2. Guns N' Roses

3. Deyvid Henrique

[4/16]4 Amazing Persuasion Techniques To Successfully Persuade Anyone

2007-12-28T10:24:00.001+07:00

Because possessing the power of persuasion allows us to get the support and cooperation of other people to help us in reaching our goals. Here are some hot persuasion techniques you can apply to effectively influence and persuade anyone you desire.

1) Art of Persuasion - Enter their World
You must fully understand the situation according to their point of view. Put aside your personal interests and concentrate on them.

Assuming you were them, what would you do? What would be your opinion? Then take the appropriate action that would be beneficial to them.

Observe carefully the way they act, the way they speak, and how they think, then copy them. For example, if they rub their forehead while they think, act like them. If they speak at a clear and slow pace, try to mirror them or do the same thing.

In due time, the people you're mirroring will subconsciously feel more comfortable with you. It's as if they see
themselves in you.

However, do not let them discover that you are copying them, so you must proceed with caution. Otherwise, they might interpret it as mockery and you'll just get into trouble.

2) Friendly Persuasion Technique - Be Friendly and Nice

Smile to brighten up the day. Make a sincere compliment to raise their spirits. Little things like these count a lot. Make them feel that you will always be there to lend a hand whenever they need help or just someone to look up to. This way, they would tend to be more receptive to people that they trust. If you want to ask your boss a favor, do everything you can to please him. Over deliver and exceed his expectations. Very soon, he will notice your efforts and will be more than glad to grant your request.

3) Persuasion Strategy - Provide them with Compelling Evidence

Explain to them how your ideas or suggestions could be the most effective technique to implement. Show them undeniable proof that you have the best product by way of testimonials, before and after scenarios, and detailed comparisons against your competitors. Just make sure that all your claims are true and verifiable and always maintain a good reputation.

4) Meet their existing Needs and Desire

The last of 4 persuasion techniques - meet their needs. People don't care unless they share or people are basically pretty much self-centered. They are initially concerned with their own well-being before others. If you can prove that your proposal will provide more advantageous benefits to them than to your own, then they will probably accept it.

If you could focus more on their interests, desires, needs, and expectations, then you would satisfy their cravings for attention. Once they realized you really care about them, mutual trust and respect would be established.

This is the most important thing to remember when persuading anyone. No matter how close you are to becoming like them or how overwhelming your evidence is, if it does not satisfy the "What's In It For Me?" test, your persuasion efforts will not produce satisfactory results. Always bear in mind that they must believe that they will benefit from your actions.

The 4 persuasion techniques you have just read are applicable for sales persons or marketers who are closing deals with clients. We wish you every success in every persuasion.

By: Ronald Yip

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : Pearl Jam

1. Last Kiss

2. Black

3. Jeremy

[4/15]How to Make a Conversation Flow

2007-12-27T08:32:00.001+07:00

We all seem to know someone with the gift of gab. The just seem to naturally know how to make a conversation flow; even if it’s with someone they are just meeting for the first time.

Here are some tips on how to make conversation flow by concentrating on why we talk to each other in the first place.

1. The golden rule.

The reason we talk to other people is to connect, on a heart-to-heart level. If a conversation is steered only by your head, there is probably not going to be a flow to it.

Use the golden rule when you enter that room full of strangers. You want to feel noticed and understood. Start by noticing and understanding others!

2. Smile!

Have you noticed that person who walks into a room ‘smiling at the world?’ When they do talk to someone their voices are warm and friendly. Smiling will make you look confident and relaxed, which makes people want to approach you.

Don’t be surprised if someone comes up to you and says: “Wow, you seem like a happy person! Can I sit with you, today?”

3. Are you listening?

By far, people who know how to make conversation flow know when to be the one who isn’t talking! How many times have you been on the phone and can tell that the person you are talking to is distracted with something else. For whatever reason - they are not really listening to you.

People who do a lot of networking have an underlying belief that everyone they meet is the most incredibly interesting person in the world. You can never find that out, unless you listen to what someone has to say.

Furthermore, if you are worried about what to talk about with someone, listening with your heart and not reacting with your head will never leave you without something to add to the conversation.

4. Remember past conversations.

Start up a conversation by remembering tidbits of any past talks you may have had. You remember this was the person that was trying to train their new pet dog.

You can start up a friendly conversation with: “So how’s Sam doing? Did you ever get him to rollover and play dead?” This demonstrates your interest in the other person and it is always appreciated.

5. Eye Contact.

Another key in learning how to make conversation flow is to remember to maintain eye contact with whomever you are talking to. You only have had to be on one bad date with someone who keeps looking around at all the other potential ‘dates’ in the room, while you are talking to them, to know that the person is just not that interested!

Learning how to make conversation flow sometimes takes practice, but it can lead to quality, heart-to-heart connections.

By: Peter Murphy

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : Pet Shop Boys

1. Go West

4. Before

7. I Get Along

8. It Doesn't Often Snow At Christmas

9. Jack And Jill Party

10. New York City Boy

11. Pet Shop Boys

12. Se a vida e(that's the way life is)

13. She's Madonna

14. This Must Be The Place I Waited Years To Leave

15. West End Girl

[4/14]Conversation Starters: Go Have an Adventure

2007-12-27T08:30:00.001+07:00

To become a good conversationalist, you need to become interesting. And to become interesting, you need to experience many different things so that you will have different, unique experiences to talk about.

Once you have unique experiences to talk about, you will find it much easier to start a conversation.

One way you can do this is to go traveling.

I know it can be super expensive and it might not fit into your schedule, but you'll grow as a person and expand your conversational repertoire because of it.

If you can't afford to go by yourself, or with a friend, consider going on a missions trip through a church (the church will sometimes help out financially - and it can be a great place to meet some girls).

Take a minute to brainstorm ideas right now.

Any type of traveling will work - just try and turn it into an adventure. I'm sure you won’t find it too hard to come up with something that could be an adventure.

Go on a road trip. Go camping or hiking. It's all about the experiences that you can have, the pictures you can show and the stories that you can tell. That's what will make you a better conversationalist.

Suddenly, talking to a strange girl will be no big deal once you've been lost in the wilderness, or have taken the wrong train in Europe.

Take the road less traveled, and enjoy the ride. Live. Don't be totally consumed with tomorrow and your future that you forget to live today. It's not worth it in the long run.

Girls love adventure, fun and spontaneity. And if you go (or have gone on a few adventures), then they think that you could be fun, exciting, and spontaneous.

Once you've done a few things, then you'll have some experiences to draw on in conversation, making it easier for you (as your stories will come across naturally), and much more interesting for them.

By: Tim Wright

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : Pink

1. Just Like A Pill

2. Family Portrait

3. Don't Let Me Get Me

4. Get The Party Started

5. Nobody Knows

[4/13]Communication Skills: A Quick Start

2007-12-26T16:28:00.002+07:00

Here is the easy way to learn about Communication skills without going through a 300+ pages book which, one can forget about before he finishes it

Always start with an Intention:

Anything we start, including communication skills, usually has reason and a starting point. While we become conscious about this fact for the obvious things like brushing our teeth to avoid tooth decay, we forget to give the same importance to our communication. We start talking, go through all the niceties and then some how stumble upon the reason for conversation or make it up by that time.

The problem with this approach is that the message looses its power. If you keep doing this often, you loose the power to bring it to work when needed. As a soldier polishes and keeps his guns fit even during peacetime, we have to keep our arsenal of communication skills handy to use, when required.

Develop flexibility in language and in approach:

Most people will think being flexible means using all the words in the Dictionary. Having a good vocabulary does not mean that people have to run for a dictionary every time you speak. Instead, a good vocabulary means that you have created enough choices and variety in your language to suit the listening or reading requirements of many people.

Flexibility is also needed in your approach to communication. Developing more than one approach is really good. If your style of approaching women is the Nice Guy, try the cocky and funny approach. See how that works. One more area that we can change and notice the results very quickly is by modulating our voice. Here is quick exercise to learn how to modulate your voice. Practice speaking a Para in a British accent. Do your best to be British. If you find it hard watch BBC and imitate them. Next, try sounding American and then French or Chinese (speaking in English).

Once you have done at least 4 accents, switch between them as often as possible, in practice. After you do this for a while, notice how you naturally are modulating your voice and how you find it easy to choose from different tones and tonality. More about this, on my website.

One Caution: Please do not measure any new skill by the initial response you get because, all new skills need to be naturalized before it becomes effective. (http://www.communication-skills-4confidence.com/effective-communication-skill.html)

As you develop flexibility, you will find yourself more comfortable to live with and then others will also find you comfortable to be with.

Forget techniques and learn the principles:

A lot of managers are fond of using something called a Sandwich technique. It is situation where you slip in a negative comment or feedback layered in between two positive comments. It is a good technique no doubt. But if you repeat it to the same old staff for 2 years, it means you are not capable of innovating. People get conditioned to any one particular behavior over time and so the technique looses its impact.

We all have a favorite way of reacting to situations. We gather these techniques by experience and by learning from others. What we eventually forget is that they are just techniques, and are replaceable. Something like software programs which almost always gets replaced by a better version. But since it works so well to us, we get possessive about it and find our selves bound by it. It becomes difficult to break that mould. A person in a mould is like a frog in the well. He has limited reach and limited awareness.

Using techniques is like giving a fish to the hungry man while understanding the principles is like teaching him fishing. So, instead of getting all cluttered up with techniques understand the principles driving them. You will find many on my website. (See http://www.communication-skills-4confidence.com/good-communication-skills.html)

So to be the survivor of the fittest in the field of communication skills, always start with an intention in your mind. Once you master this, your level of influence will increase rapidly. Take away your focus on techniques and learn the principles. This way you tap the source of power itself rather than a branch. The last and most importantly, develop flexibility in your language and approach. It will maximize your capacity to reach your audience and thus your power.

By: Sri Hari

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : Placebo

1. Special Needs

[4/12]Overcoming Shyness - the 7 Simple Tricks

2007-12-26T16:25:00.001+07:00

Many people struggle with overcoming shy. It can effect every aspect of your life, especially your interaction with other people.

Being shy can cause you to miss out on friendships, fun experiences and learning new things. Shyness can cause you to have underdeveloped people skills and lacking communications skills as well.

The following list explains seven great ways for overcoming shyness.

1. Practice body language.

Body language is a big part of conversation and an easy way to start overcoming shyness. You do not have to say anything just use your body to respond. Once you feel comfortable using body language then you can move on into conversations.

2. Figure out why you are shy.

The best way to fix a problem is to figure out why you have the problem. Getting to that reason will allow you to be able to fix problems and start getting over being shy.

3. Simply pretend you are not shy.

This is where acting skills come in useful. It is best to try this with people you do not know. When we are with people we know it is easy to play the shy part, but with strangers they do not expect you to be shy so it is easy to act as if you are outgoing.

4. Make yourself feel and look good.

If you enter into a social situation feeling confident about yourself it is much easier to be more outgoing and drop the shyness.

Make sure you make it a point to leave your house everyday feeling good about how you look and feeling like a wonderful person.

5. Be positive.

Dropping negative attitudes goes a long way towards helping you in overcoming shyness. You will fell better about yourself and others if you look at things in a more positive light.

This also includes dropping worries that you won’t know what to say or do in a social situation.

6. Learn to be comfortable and relax.

Simple meditation exercises may be useful to stop uncomfortable feelings. Some people also find tricks, like imagining people without clothes also helps.

Being able to relax will allow conversation to flow easier and people are drawn to those who seem comfortable in a situation.

7. Watch social interactions.

Watching others who are not shy will help you see how to not be shy yourself. You can take away much information on what to say or what body language to use.

These seven pointers can help you in overcoming shyness. Putting a stop to being shy is a process and because it is part of your personality you may have to work a long time before you feel completely at ease in social situations.

By: Peter Murphy

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : Plain White T's

1. Hey There Delilah (New Version)

[4/11]Interpersonal Communication Secrets that Work Every Time

2007-12-19T12:49:00.002+07:00

Interpersonal communication is something most of us do on a daily basis, although we may not be aware that is what it is called.

Interpersonal communication differs from other forms of communication in various ways. It is also very important in development.

The following list outlines what interpersonal communication is and what some of the characterizes are. It also explains why we need it.

1. What is it?

Interpersonal communication involves a close group of participants. It is basically the everyday conversations you carry on and it includes speeches, general friendly exchanges, arguments and basically anytime you speak to someone.

2. How is it different than other forms of communication?

Interpersonal communication involves face to face encounters. You are talking in person not over a computer, phone or through written information. You can get immediate responses.

You are also able to benefit from body language. You hear a voice where you can pick up on different dialects and speech patterns.

3. How does interpersonal communication vary?

The variances in interpersonal communication involve the people and situations. You communicate differently with someone you know well verses a stranger. You will have different topics of conversation when talking to your preacher or your best friend.

These variations make interpersonal communication flexibility important for difference circumstances.

4. How do we use interpersonal communication?

We use interpersonal communication for a variety of reasons. You use it to learn new information, such as when asking questions. You use it to share information, such as when telling a story. You use it to define yourself, such as when giving a speech.

You also use it to fulfill the natural need for contact with other people. Interpersonal communication is how we develop from infant to adult. We learn about different cultures and languages through interpersonal communication as well. It gives you a human element, a real nature that other forms of communication can not provide.

5. Why is interpersonal communication important?

Interpersonal communication is important because you need it to develop throughout the stages of life. You get so much from interpersonal communication.

You learn, teach and get an identity through interpersonal communication. You also share with others who you are. You need interpersonal communication to learn how to pronounce words correctly, how to speak properly in certain situations and how to communicate in general.

Interpersonal communication has taken a back seat to other forms of communication in recent years. More people than ever are using the internet to exchange information and make contact with others.

We must also be sure to keep interpersonal communication in our lives. Without it babies will never learn to talk properly and we can never expand our language abilities through learning form others speech. The spoken word should never have its importance underestimated.

By: Peter Murphy

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : Queen

1. The Show Must Go On (Queen)

2. It's a Kind of Magic

[4/10]How to Start a Conversation with 3 Super Body Language Tips

2007-12-19T12:47:00.001+07:00

Using body language to enhance how you start a conversation can lead to great conversation. You do not have to say much just a look or a movement can speak volumes for you.

This is especially useful in situations where you can not seem to get a word in or where you are unsure of how to start a conversation.

Body language is a way to communicate without putting yourself at risk of saying something wrong. You probably already use body language, but do not even notice it. The following list shows the main points of body language that you should be aware of whenever you wonder how to start a conversation.

1. Eye use:

People say that they can learn all about a person through their eyes. It is probably the most used part of the body to communicate next to the mouth.

Your eyes can say many things, from rolling them to winking, you can display many messages with just your eyes. Sometimes you may unaware of what your eyes are saying.

Be careful to not let your eyes say you are bored or not interested in a conversation. You should maintain good eye contact to let others know you are listening.

2. Body moves:

Everyone has said hello with a wave of the hand or shown a lack of patience with a tap of the foot or nodded in agreement.

Your hands, arms, feet and head can speak for in many cases. Crossing the arms, tapping the foot rapidly or putting your hands on your hips can all say things that might not be too good.

On the other hand, clapping, tapping your foot to music or extending a hand shake can say great things. Always be aware of what your body is saying.

3. Facial expressions:

Smiling can say more than words sometimes. You should be aware of your facial expressions at all times. You may frown and be unaware of it.

Facial expressions can often be misinterpreted. A serious look of concentration may be seen as disapproval. Just make sure you are using the rest of your body to speak as well and your facial expressions should come across clearly.

Your eyes, body and face can carry on a whole conversation for you. You can speak volumes with a simple movement. You can use body language to convey a message you may not otherwise want to vocalize.

Knowing how to end or start a conversation with body language can come in handy if you do not have time to carry on a conversation, but would like to acknowledge someone.

Body language can also share a feeling with someone so only the two of you know. Make sure your body language is saying what you want it to.

By: Peter Murphy

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : Robbie Williams

1. How peculiar

2. Feel

3. Someting beautiful

4. Monsoon

5. Sexed up

6. Love somebody

7. Revolution

8. Handsome man

9. Come undone

10. Me and my monkey

11. Song 3

12. Hot fudge

13. Cursed

14. Nan's song

[4/9]How to Start a Conversation in Unusual Circumstances

2007-12-17T09:55:00.001+07:00

Starting a conversation can sometimes seem difficult. Certain circumstances can make this process even more difficult. Knowing how to start a conversation in a variety of tricky circumstances will help you become more confident in your abilities to communicate effectively.

Circumstances can range from co-workers to complete strangers. Learning the best ways to start a conversation with many different people will allow you to become a master of communication.

1. Coworker - When starting a conversation with a co-worker you know you have at least one topic that you can both relate to: work.

You can make a casual comment about work related details to strike up a conversation. Be sure to avoid making negative comments or talking about things like salary and management because these topics could actually cause you problems.

You should also be somewhat aware of what exactly this co-worker does in the company because you do not want to start a conversation about something he or she knows nothing about.

You could try opening with a question about how long they have been with the company or what area of the company they work in if you are not sure.

2. Acquaintance - An acquaintance is someone you know, but not too intimately. This may be someone you had attended high school with but who was not one of your close friends or perhaps someone you go to church with.

However you know this person you are not familiar enough to ask personal questions. You should start a conversation about something you have in common or about something you know about the person.

Good topics to start with are asking about children or a recent operation. Think about something that isn’t too invasive, but shows you are truly interested in this person.

3. A date - When dating there are added frustrations and concerns. You are hoping to come off as someone your date would like to pursue a relationship with and you want to really make a good impression by offering interesting conversation.

The trick here is really knowing what to avoid. You really need to avoid highly debated topics like religion and politics. You should also keep the conversation light and considerate, so avoiding topics like sex and money is a good idea.

Knowing how to start a conversation by making an observation about your date or about something around you is a good tip. For example, comment on her unique necklace or how quickly the waiter took your drink order after you arrived.

4. A stranger - Most of the time when you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger you have a topic already in mind.

For example, if you are waiting in a long line, you may comment to someone standing behind you about how long it is taking. Usually though this is a short comment and can sometimes leave you feeling as if you should say more.

Take a cue from the other person. If they answer you with a complete answer and genuinely look as if they care about what you have said then you may want to strike up a more in depth conversation.

You can let them know you name and why you are where you are. Just avoid sharing too much information and if the person answers you with a smile or a quick, short answer then they are probably not interested in talking with you and you should move on.

These are just four situations that explain how to handle an awkward beginning to a conversation. Most of the ideas, however, are great to apply to other conversations.

The biggest advice about how to start a conversation is to look for clues from the other person that show they are interested and do want to continue talking to you.

By: Peter Murphy

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Artist : R.Kelly

1. Sex in The Kitchen

2. Worlds Greatest

3. Double Up

4. Get Dirty

5. Grey Birds

6. Ignition

7. I'll Stand By You - Carrie Underwood

8. Snake

[4/8]Influencing Skills - How To Influence People by Robin Chandler

2007-12-14T12:15:00.001+07:00

There is no right way, nor is there only one way to influence others. Everything, but everything, is a factor when influencing people.

And we are, all of us, influenced by people, places, events and situations at all times. Sometimes we are affected more or less by these things, but we are continually being influenced by what happens around us.

So what about the specifics in the workplace?

Your job requires you to influence people just about all of the time. It may take the form of gaining support, inspiring others, persuading other people to become your champions, engaging someone's imagination, creating relationships.

Whatever form it takes, being an excellent influencer makes your job easier.

An interesting point about people who use their influencing skills well, is that other people like being around them. There's a kind of exciting buzz, or sense that things happen when they're about.

It's because they don't sit around wishing things were different while moaning there's nothing they can do about it.

They don't sit around blaming others or complaining about what needs fixing that will make things better. They see what needs doing and set about getting it done.

Truly excellent influencing skills require a healthy combination of interpersonal, communication, presentation and assertiveness techniques.

It is about adapting and modifying your personal style when you become aware of the affect you are having on other people, while still being true to yourself. Behaviour and attitude change are what's important, not changing who you are or how you feel and think.

You may try to exert your influence through coercion and manipulation. You might even succeed in getting things done; but that isn't really influencing. That's forcing people to do what you want, often against their will. You won't have succeeded in winning support.

Pushing, bullying, bludgeoning or haranguing DO NOT WORK! Like elephants, people will remember the experience.

Indeed, if you force someone to do something you want, without taking their point of view into consideration, then the impression that person is left with is how they will see you forever. You're stuck with it, unless you deliberately change what you do in order to be seen differently.

People are far more willing to come halfway (or more) if they feel acknowledged, understood and appreciated. They may even end up doing or agreeing to something they wouldn't previously have done because they feel good about making the choice.

Influencing is about understanding yourself and the effect or impact you have on others. Though it can, on occasion, be one way, the primary relationship is two way, and it is about changing how others perceive you.

In other words, the clich้, perception is reality, makes perfect sense in the context of influencing.

It doesn't matter what's going on internally for you - if it isn't perceived by the other person, then it doesn't exist, other than in your mind.

You could be doing the most brilliant presentation you've ever created, but if you haven't brought your 'audience' with you, the brilliance is wasted. And that's about being able to see what's going on for them, which will be different, however much you may have in common.

Influencing can sometimes be looked at as the ability to 'finesse', almost sleight of hand. The other person isn't prodded into seeing your view of the world, but is persuaded, often unconsciously, into understanding it.

Sometimes you can get so used to your own personal style or way of being or pattern of communicating, that you don't think of how it is being received, and you don't think of behaving in any other way.

Influencing is about being able to move things forward, without pushing, forcing or telling others what to do.

Now what we know is that one of the most powerful forces that affect people's behaviour is the avoidance of humiliation.

No one wants to embarrass themselves if they can help it. So changing your behaviour entails a certain risk.

But if that behaviour change is deliberate, and you have made an effort to see the world from the other person's point of view, then humiliation can be avoided on both sides.

Whatever the arena you work in influencing others is about having the confidence and willingness to use yourself to make things happen. Influencing people is also the ability to 'work' a dynamic, whether it's a large group, one to one or over the phone.

By 'working' the dynamic, we mean using everything at your disposal, both verbal and non-verbal communication, to create the impact you want, rather than letting things just happen.

Jo Ellen and Robin run Impact Factory a training company who provide Influencing Skills , Public Speaking, Presentation Skills, Communications Training, Leadership Development and Executive Coaching for Individuals.

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

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